i'm writing on a strange day, with lots of processings and emotions. the mother of one of my best friends died of cancer today. lots of grieving, sadness at missing her mother's passing by being in montreal with her friends to celebrate old friends and the new lives they've brought into the world. what is the greater wisdom that the universe holds - this turn that she was not there, with her brother, after being at her mother's side consistently since the diagnosis? yet such a gift for us, her friends, to be able to support her. i feel so lucky that i have both my parents in my life. i think i take it for granted that they are there for me, and i for them.

so i found myself home just now reading the shambhala sun magazine on "choosing peace", feeling unpeaceful inside, restless and sad. and i found this:
www.herwildsong.com/journeys.html - women who lead wilderness and healing journeys. it all somehow seems connected to going to greece next week.

as i get ready to go to greece to be in the wilds of the olive harvest, with my hands in the earth and food, with people who are mentors, friends and peers, transforming ourselves transforming our worlds.... i think of wilderness and grieving and healing. and am checking in with my own energies, my organs actually, around what really is next for me in my life and work; what i am truly up for. a diagnosis this week invites me much much deeper into taking care of myself and truly shifting my paradigm of work into that of a balanced and healing life. finally, i see the deeper and wider context of my journey this year - some kind of detailed proof that i have not been crazy, or worse, "lazy."

i was asked "if you were to go to that place, that place beyond denial, even if you were to go ever so briefly to that place of true knowledge, what would it tell you about why your body is where it is?" and what would i do with that knowledge? and then i think, if I had a short time to live, if i were to live as if i was dying, what would i be choosing? and how is this different than today? because most of us are living denying the dying and making choices full of fear that we will not be provided for, with love and grace and abundance, by the cosmos..

so i am going to axladitsa at a critical juncture.

and i am looking forward to healing lands and hands...